09302025.

so much has happened

RIP [], 031719?? - 09252025

09162025. 

involved in a newly painful and disempowering situation where i can't talk to someone who i feel connected and accountable to because they are apparently unmedicated/unstable. by that i mean a manager has advised this and my defiance would have negative consequences for everyone involved. fighting all of my instincts. sad

sense that this person gets at a few of my emotional pressure points. if i were G i might describe this experience as eviscerating

09112025. good morning flounder

A's little brother came over for dinner last night so i had my weekly interaction with a straight cis man. he had many fascinating things to say about "getting [his] money up" and 9/11 conspiracy theories. i reviewed his instagram reels feed, could hardly believe we are on the same instagram. did you know there is still content out there where the butt of the joke is just a person with down syndrome? i haven't seen such a thing since like 2012. afterwards i think A and i were both a little dialed up (A from the effort of hosting and me from the excitement of all the new things i learned) so we visited the garden and walked to ice cream. the beautiful person at the counter said she liked my hair, which was gross and in a headband. this interaction like many involved pretending like i didn't recognize her from the library

A became fixated on the fruit trees that were recently fenced in with a property undergoing demolition. he found a way in and i took post on the other side to collect the pears in my shirt. this mission seemed to settle something in him and we went home feeling better

09102025. good afternoon flounder

forgot to bring my journal to work. the one where i log my activities

7:30 - out of bed. egg toast
8:38 - receive joy sullivan tomato poem screenshot. did not enjoy
9 - appointment with sweet person who had very sturdy go get em energy. on her way out told me something she heard on a radio trivia show this morning: peas are the oldest vegetable
10 - appointment with older couple. husband: "i wouldn't quit this job!"
12 - unscheduled hour. discovered that no one has ever washed the air fryer
2 - answering phones. complained about the air fryer. strategically turning coworkers against the owner of the air fryer
3:24 - floundering

having a good phone call week. L and both sibs

09092025. good morning flounder

weirdly at home i get a message about this site being unsafe and am unable to proceed

went to a local author panel last night. the laughter to funny things ratio was way off and so was the oooohh/mmmm/wow to meaningful things ratio

finally learned the name of the guy who sometimes shares what he read in the wall street journal. i hope i remember it

called L last night walking around the parking lot - "i missed your voice." it always feels crazy to hear this as a voice disordered person

the threads of focus are fried and frayed...how to recover...how to weave...