10292024. feeling worn out. no patience. everything is bothering me!

10282024. not doing good i hope no one can tell

confusing bittersweet weekend

10242024. the person who just came out of a study room. "i just need someone to react to this with me." a full time job offer at a top firm or something. then they start dancing in the middle of this silent floor. a highlight of my life probably

10212024. hi flounder

feeling confused again

10192024. hi flounder

feeling less confused but not better overall

monday during the event with E looked over at me and said, oh no, she's crashing out

thursday night when i started a sentence then stopped and D just waited and went, .....let her cook...

thursday night [person] walked by which was big

yesterday [person] was at the coffee shop meeting a student which was nice

yesterday [person] was making coffee at the coffee shop which was uhhh

anyways

working on a saturday i don't normally work which is silly. i was so tired in bed. i would've stayed in instagram reels hell for longer but then the cat put her face in my feet

10152024. hi flounder

i start my new position next week. preparing

having confusing feelings about someone

10092024. good morning flounder

on a mission to have a good day

10082024. good evening flounder

editor at old job texted me this morning to tell me library HR called for a reference check. around the same time that library coworker texted me to tell me they overheard library HR calling someone about me for a reference check. thanks to my faithful informants i started the day very stressed

10072024. good morning flounder

on a mission to have a good day

ehhh it was ok

10062024. good evening flounder

on my favorite coffee shop patio

supervisor sent me something really lovely but idk if this is an indicator of the possibility of promotion or an effort to manage a candidate's feelings around rejection ahead of time

A is back finally

think i am experiencing something strange and unsustainable. not very in my body. no real appetite and can't stop talking. i think sometimes i experience stress in my body more powerfully than in my mind. because my mind never feels good so i can't really tell when it's gotten much worse

10052024. good MORNING flounder

left job interview yesterday feeling ok about my performance but also just strange and manic and exploited. talking for too long always ends up feeling bad

tried to take slow steps back to myself which included coffee with a friend and attending downtown evening activities. coffee was helpful downtown was not. i felt lonely and went home and called nick

it was nice to talk. he signed off like this: ok well, i'm gonna get drunk and go bother my mom now

i am always thinking about the pastor that said STOP PROCESSING WITH PEOPLE AND START WRESTLING WITH GOD. today i am perhaps overprocessed but i am not sure how to begin wrestling

10022024. good morning flounder

having trouble making any real progress with school this week even though i log in every day and continue to make notes in my planner about my lack of progress and the importance of making progress

i think this standstill has to do with the job interview on friday, not sure how i'm supposed to work on anything until that's over

i had a good weekend in [hometown] recently. going out was actually fun. it felt like being a teenager if i had been a happy teenager