06262024. hello flounder i meant to start this entry early this morning but an IT person came to do something on the computer what to say about today? NOTHING 06252024. hello flounder i'm back from the lake 06182024. good morning flounder wearing a shirt over a dress over pants caffeinated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! teenage coworker said i'm giving disney princess getting restless because i leave town after work!!! and suddenly, an email from []. always excellent and a little spooky i thought talking myself out of attending [] last night was the big task but it's actually tonight. i really want to go but i would have to leave work an hour early and i would just spend money and also be disappointed if [] wasn't there patricia highsmith quote "it is difficult for me to understand women because they have no jobs" 06172024. good morning flounder the lights keep going off at work because of whatever the men in the ceiling are doing. currently alone in a dark office a lot to get done before tomorrow each day i experience a deep sometimes unbearable gratitude about my life and the feeling has nothing to do with happiness can't get the "political views" section of patricia highsmith's wikipedia page out of my head. might read the biography by joan schenkar. might bring it on my trip to the lake >THE NEW YORKER: Did you have much contact with Highsmith or her work beforehand or did you feel you got to know Highsmith through writing the biography? >JOAN SCHENKAR: I only got to know her by trailing her through Europe and the United States. Ambulancy — divination by waking in her physical and psychological footsteps — was my method. i'm reading this book about alcohol and it's kind of annoying because i'm only halfway in and i already know i would have to be an idiot to keep drinking having read what i've read but i know i will anyways i am experiencing romance withdrawal 06162024. hello flounder buy *kimchi *1 red onion *or maybe no kimchi since i leave for a week on tuesday *nooo i need it *chicken 06152024. good morning flounder reading "notes of a crocodile" by qiu miaojin 06132024. good morning flounder i had a dream about JH. i texted him for the first time in years, asking to see him, and he told me to meet him at "mandarin house" in chicago. actually what he said was "pull up." then i stalked his instagram also for the first time in years and found pictures of a girlfriend. the dream didn't get to the part where i saw him. i don't know why he appeared last night! maybe because my birthday is soon, and every year since i've met him i think wow, another year older, and i'm still not the age he was when he met me 06122024. good morning flounder i have no idea why things suddenly feel like this. maybe i just need more sleep. A's new schedule has him waking up at 4. this is also when the cat launches her first round of attacks on my leg going on a trip next week 06112024. hey flounder feeling strange finished reading "the price of salt" now reading "in zanesville" to work i brought: *instant noodle *cheese stick *some of A's peach pie i have been taking walks around the neighborhood nearby around 8. it is soothing. there's a nice hill where the sky kind of opens up 06102024. good morning flounder exhausting weekend i figured out how to limit the mess wiki makes with her food and water while i'm sleeping. so i had the food and water bowls in a tub together to catch stuff. but that got gross because i would wake up to her spilled food soaking in water. she loves to make soup! so last night i put the water bowl inside of a bigger heavier bowl, still inside of the tub. and guess what. no soup!!!! 06052024. good morning flounder hungry wearing a shirt over a dress over a skirt school started visiting my parents on saturday and C on sunday! 06042025. hello flounder last night was so stupid i am realizing 06032024. good morning flounder grateful to have a friend with whom i can get breakfast at 7am before work 06022024. hello flounder happy sunday. i went to the new age church and made a sandwich and got a coffee and now i've just written an email. everything starts again tomorrow and i'm trying to feel focused about it but i feel more like a snowglobe shaken up buy *eggs *chicken *frozen fruit 06012024. good morning flounder welcome back alioop <3 i admire you for organizing your files, i keep meaning to do this i am taking only one class this summer, "the history of books" i'll let you know if anything cool happens. probably i will just have to read more about papyrus and the printing press thursday night was legendary to me. i think it was normal to the people i was with but every moment was blowing my mind. here's how it ended: me breathing deeply sitting on the sidewalk outside the bar. near me a man is laid out across the bed of his truck. it takes me a moment to realize there is music playing and that it is not coming from the bar but from the truck and the music is christian pop the person i hoped would text me afterwards has not texted me but that may honestly be a wise decision on their part because i probably shouldn't have been there at all and i would probably be an unnatural addition to their life i can't stop listening to "donut seam" by adrianne lenker and nick hakim reading "queer silence" by j. logan smilges. i love when people theorize about silence i feel like i've been hungover for 2 days sadder than expected about lack of first contact from [] i wonder if the rejection is awakening some other void. i think it extra hurts because they are famous to me and also because everything felt possible that night. grow up bluet