04232026. good afternoon flounder

in my quiet fiction reading mood

and my dancing i love you mood

and my hungry mood

i liked this moment yesterday w [] in the garden. a bunny and a bird weirdly close. he said that's you (bunny) cuz you always eatin and i just be chillin. and then the bird pooped

conversation w [] in the parking lot about spasms and migraines, both wishing each other healing. for once i was not the one spasming

talking to B the other night kind of got me in my feefees about []. i never thought about those 2ish-day stretches where i couldn't get a hold of him as "benders" but maybe B is right. bending, cheating, ignoring, probably a lil bit of everything. to this day there is no one else i've been close to who gave so little of a fuck about himself or anyone. B asked what music he showed me. snail mail, duster, lil b, viper, lol. i can't even find that crackhouse on a map anymore because i only knew it in relation to the quiktrips and both of them closed

04222026. good afternoon flounder

a lot going on

or maybe normal. but each thing with a quality of uncertainty or instability

that person who is here sometimes was here again, which made me happy because he is beautiful and i never have to say much. i liked how he mocked / mirrored my stance (hands on hips for some reason)

spent some time with [homie] earlier, we live in a world where he has met my little brother. the conclusion: i fucks with him

saw [expired crush / music collaborator / neighbor] last night, not so sure what's happening there. actually i have never been sure what it IS just how it FEELS, which until last night was just GOOD. but it's important to hit the speed bumps so you can stop and look around at where you're headed

04202026. good morning flounder

epic weekend. weird to be at work. remember that my work is here too

jam session as metaphor for everything in life. has anyone done that yet

04172026. good afternoon flounder !

it's never either/or now
stigmata ampersand

04152026. good morning flounder !

ok transcribing now

>the contemplation of "philosophers," which is merely intellectual speculation on the divine nature as it is reflected in creatures, would be therefore like a skyrocket that soared into the sky but never went off. the beauty of the rocket is in its "death," and the beauty of mental prayer and of mystical contemplation is in the soul's abandonment and total surrender of itself in an outburst of praise in which it spends itself entirely to bear witness to the transcendent goodness of the infinite God. the rest is silence. / let us never forget that the fruitful silence in which words lose their power and concepts escape out grasp is perhaps the perfection of meditation. we need not fear and become restless when we are no longer able to "make acts." rather we should rejoice and rest in the luminous darkness of faith. this "resting" is a higher way of prayer

from thomas merton "spiritual direction"

bearing my truth today (pinegrove tee)

04142026. good morning flounder !

i think the duo is going to work for now. i do miss some things about the trio. or mostly i just miss the friend! but i am going to keep being his friend. nothing is lost

trying engaging in >1 relationships outside of the platonic for the first time since college. this is awesome

do you practice smiling while cutting carrots? (thich nhat hanh) thanks bro

>the contemplation of "philosophers," which is merely intellectual speculation on the divine nature as it is reflected in creatures, would be therefore like a skyrocket that soared into the sky but never wen

nvm phone call brb

04102026.

what goes up must come down

~~~coming down~~~

rereading katie kitamura remembering how to be lonely

i guess it takes a lot to keep a band together

my feelings of unconditional goodwill were not enough

04082026. hiiii big ass bug !!

good afternoon flounder

thomas merton freaking out about falling in love

“he wrote that he was not lonely for margie, but in some strange way lonely with her, as if she had peacefully become part of his loneliness and of his life that tries to be in god, tries to dwell at the point where life and grace well up out of the unknown”

04072026.

whaddupppp

derp